（ well, when you say it like that... ichigo takes up a chair opposite grimmjow, and just. listens. he hadn't thought about it from that perspective, but... he's done this before, hasn't he? to a friend. telling chad off with the espada, hurting him in a way he didn't realize until rukia pointed it out.

he sets the piece of the horn down on the table beside the bed. it can stay there for now, a reminder.

he exhales, fingers laced between his thighs. ）

All right.

（ he doesn't try to justify himself, or explain. all he can do is accept and move on. you don't get to decide when your actions do or don't harm others, and he doubts grimmjow would accept an apology, so. ）

You already know I like fighting with you. But I don't like being... how I was.

（ he tips his head to one side, stretching out a kink in his neck, and then drops his head down until he's just looking at the floor. ）

It was like that when I fought Ulquiorra.

（ he's not going to say it's not me. because it is him, the part that scares orihime so badly he trained until he didn't need to rely on it anymore... he accepted shiro long ago, but accepting that something is a part of you, making space for its existence isn't quite the same as embracing it, either. ichigo doesn't like the way it makes him feel, ruthless and bloodthirsty and cruel.

but he knows hollows can change, for better or worse. shiro's already better than he was. whatever this journey is, they're in it together with old man zangetsu. ）