（ his watch going crazy with messages, it's all he can do to read them without just quietly losing his mind, thanks. because he remembers — or his body does — all the little touches in the tunnels. the way her hair smelled, the way her body yielded against his hand when he'd stopped her at the dolls. he can't say he hasn't thought about it.
he hates that he's thought about it.
it only ever feels disrespectful to him to think about women that way. and inoue —
(in ways, she's always been more practical than him. she wouldn't want him to suffer. she'd accept that being somewhere like this means making a few sacrifices.)
but he doesn't know quite what to think about this. he hadn't... ）
i didn't mean to put you in a position where you felt like you needed to offer.
（ is the first thing he sends. sombre, and serious, and maybe just a little heartbroken. she's a good person. ）
[ The thing is, she knows he's absolutely full of shit when he tells her he's okay, and still, she leaves it alone for a good ten minutes, pacing around her room and trying not to kick herself for sticking her neck out like that. ]
Do you think I'm a pushover or something? [ Going out on a limb like this is hard and more than enough to get her hackles up. ] Why would I feel like I had to? You're not that impressive with a flashlight.
You're my friend, stupid. I'm telling you to come over because of that.
（ for a moment she sounds so much like rukia it's dizzying. she'd say just the same, wouldn't she? and he'd hate it just as much if it came from her, because he's — he's not good at it. relying on others, accepting help. acknowledging his own weakness. all of those things are a work in progress for him.
but if he closes his eyes, he can remember how he felt, when rukia told him off after he'd dismissed chad's feelings so easily, how he'd cared more in the moment about keeping his friend out of danger than protecting his heart and his pride, and how fucking wretched he'd been afterwards.
he closes his eyes for a long moment.
if their situations were reversed. if nami had come to him like this...
he would've said yes in a heartbeat, he knows. he would've set his own reservations and uncertainty and fears aside and said yes, and meant it. and it — matters, that she's doing that for him.
it matters. but there is still a tight clench in his chest and a hot feeling at the back of his throat, a weight behind his sinuses that feels like he's holding back tears. he's hot all over, even the pressure of clothing against his skin hurts — but pain is just something to stand, and he's no stranger to that.
it's a long time before he replies again: ）
okay.
but can you come here? and i don't have any condoms or anything （ as much as he's an easily scandalized youth, when it comes right down to the wire he's deeply, ruthlessly utilitarian. his father is a doctor. he grew up around a clinic. he's no stranger to safe sex practices, even if he regretted every minute he ever spent in isshin's presence discussing it. ）
not that we have to do that
just
in case.
i'm sorry. you're my friend too. it's hard for me to accept help.
If Nami has her way, neither he nor anyone else here would ever have the faintest idea of how profoundly those words resonate with her. Arlong Park is a fresh and painful memory still, as is the harsh lesson about trying to fight alone. ]
I'll see you soon.
[ The lie he told for her sake sits heavily on her mind, weighing on her enough to distract her from how her heart's beating faster than it was before she responded. He is a good person, and allowing herself to let that endear someone to her is as new of an idea as asking for help, a feeling that's left her perplexed when it's crossed her mind since the last time they saw each other but this - having a direction, makes the awkwardness she can't quite put a name to, easier to handle, somehow.
She's too preoccupied with rolling her eyes at herself to pay much attention to the sexy art in the elevator, fingers idly fussing with the hem of her dress right up until she steps off and onto his floor.
Pausing in front of his door, she stops and takes a deep breath before finally knocking. ]
Hey... [ Does she sound stupid? She feels like she sounds stupid. ] It's me. [ Who else would it be?? ]
（ it takes him a minute to figure out how to navigate the watch and let her in — she'll come into a room that's almost sterilely clean. it barely looks lived in, the blankets neatly folded, no visible clothing except for a hoodie that's been frantically unzipped and carelessly thrown over a chair.
she'll find him sitting on the floor furthest from the door, one leg drawn up. the other one is stretched out in front of him, and he's got one arm braced on his propped up knee. but he doesn't — look at her as she comes into the room, instead biting one lip with his head faintly turned to the side, as if he's worried that looking directly at her will just make everything worse all over again.
should he say something? should he say nothing? his fingers curl in against his palm, and then uncurl with an effort. ）
Hey.
（ comes finally. his voice is a rasp, coloured by shame and general discomfort. but he's trying not to just freak out on her. ）
[ Taking the place in after she shuts the door behind her, Nami lingers by the entrance for a moment, trying to figure out a way forward even though she's failed at forming a plan every step of the way so far.
It's hard to miss how he's avoiding looking in her direction, and while that makes her want to keep her distance, she came here to help him. Doubting herself isn't going to do anything for anybody.
Lips curved in a tentative smile Nami crosses the room, taking a seat beside him on the floor.
She looks ahead, smoothing her skirt down over her thighs, as she tilts her head to the side, considering. ]
What are you worried about? [ She can't tell him to relax, or that there isn't anything to worry about. He's the one with the tattoo that's gone dark enough to work him into this state after all, but, one thing at a time. ]
（ it's the first, immediate thing he says, and his jaw tightens as he says it, casts his gaze a little further to the side. having her close like this is making it worse in unspeakable ways, and he reflexively tries to twist his hips a little so the fact he's half-hard is a little less obvious in the fold of his pants. ）
You saw it, I'm powerful. It's physical strength, too. So I need — I need to stay controlled. I've hurt people before without meaning to. （ hastily — ） Not like this. （ not sex, not anything like this. ） Just — people I care about.
（ his left hand, being overtaken with a semi-transparent blue stone, streaked with black obsidian is tucked in against his other thigh. he seems to still have a bit of mobility to it, though, evidenced by the faint twitch to his fingers.
that his voice stays more or less even keeled, except for having picked up a very faint tremor, is a testament to his willpower. ）
What's going to be easiest for you? Can we do that?
[ It's the same variety of oddly touched that she felt while watching him pretend not to have understood a word that ghost was saying about her. They don't know each other that well when it comes down to it, but even when they knew even less about one another, he was still sticking his neck out to try and show her a little grace after those voices made it fairly clear she wasn't worth all that trouble. Maybe she's jaded for it, but hearing things like that about a stranger in the dark would have at least gotten more than a few questions out of her.
She's not the best at being kind, but Ichigo makes Nami want to be kind to him. ]
Easiest for me...
[ Nami repeats the words quietly, watching as he twists himself around in his seat, sure he's trying to hide from her on more than one level. There are probably a lot of simpler routes she could take, and the grimly goal-oriented part of her that's figured out how she's going to play this game for the sake of those she cares for seems to speak up in the back of her head, reminding her of that. Nami is still learning her way around sex, but she knows she could tell him to sit still, slide a hand down his pants, and get him off - probably quite quickly if the tension and awkwardness in the way he's sitting is any clue. It would count as being a good friend, but the fluttering in her chest pulls her forward, rising onto her knees so she can reach out and touch his shoulder, wordlessly trying to get him to look at her. ]
It's not an issue of easy or hard. [ A pause, a frown, a deep, deep sigh. ]
I think I want you to know I would have slept with you anyway, even if it wasn't...like this. [ Did she want him to know that? Yes, it's the truth, but, getting the words out leaves her so shaken there's a moment where Nami's quiet, reassembling herself after her honesty rattles her in new and thorough ways. Before affording herself the luxury of letting other people in, the idea that something could be so scary and so gratifying simultaneously would have made her roll her eyes, but she's not the person those ghosts were talking about anymore - she hopes. They can fumble through this together. ]
If we say we're going slow for my sake, would that help you?
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text ↪ un: 十五
sure, if you don't mind. i'd appreciate it.
i've got a friend who might be interested too.
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Share it with whoever you want, but if anybody with the resort asks, you don't know where it came from, got it?
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i won't even tell my friend if you don't want him to know.
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[ Not that she's thought about it. ]
No, if you trust them, your friends are okay. You seem relatively sane, it's fine.
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（ sometimes, that wry sense of humour jumps out. ）
is there anywhere here you like to eat...?
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I think you'd like Red Cardinal.
[ Given that she can't even say the words horny casino without him blushing... ]
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（ there's a moment. and then, perhaps a bit more honestly than he'd like — ）
do you know anything about the suit effects yet?
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[ If he changed his mind or something, it's fine. ]
Just that, depending on which you have it makes you do different things if your tattoo gets dark enough. Why? Are you okay?
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i don't know if it's safe to be around me right now.
i can send you money instead and you can take your friends if you want?
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What stuff? What's wrong? Of course you're safe, don't be stupid.
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（ wow, when someone busts out the 'hahas' in a text message you know there's some weird shit going down. ）
i haven't... you know. and i think it's starting to get to me.
（ please don't make him talk about this he is like three steps from death over here??? ）
1/a bunch
I remember you said you weren't interested. [ And since then she's put it out of her mind - mostly - he's interesting and kind, which is a problem. ]
Do you want to come over?
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end
You can come here if you want to. If fixing that is fixed the same way everything here is fixed then we'll fix it.
Or something.
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he hates that he's thought about it.
it only ever feels disrespectful to him to think about women that way. and inoue —
(in ways, she's always been more practical than him. she wouldn't want him to suffer. she'd accept that being somewhere like this means making a few sacrifices.)
but he doesn't know quite what to think about this. he hadn't... ）
i didn't mean to put you in a position where you felt like you needed to offer.
（ is the first thing he sends. sombre, and serious, and maybe just a little heartbroken. she's a good person. ）
i'm okay, nami, really.
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Do you think I'm a pushover or something? [ Going out on a limb like this is hard and more than enough to get her hackles up. ] Why would I feel like I had to? You're not that impressive with a flashlight.
You're my friend, stupid. I'm telling you to come over because of that.
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but if he closes his eyes, he can remember how he felt, when rukia told him off after he'd dismissed chad's feelings so easily, how he'd cared more in the moment about keeping his friend out of danger than protecting his heart and his pride, and how fucking wretched he'd been afterwards.
he closes his eyes for a long moment.
if their situations were reversed. if nami had come to him like this...
he would've said yes in a heartbeat, he knows. he would've set his own reservations and uncertainty and fears aside and said yes, and meant it. and it — matters, that she's doing that for him.
it matters. but there is still a tight clench in his chest and a hot feeling at the back of his throat, a weight behind his sinuses that feels like he's holding back tears. he's hot all over, even the pressure of clothing against his skin hurts — but pain is just something to stand, and he's no stranger to that.
it's a long time before he replies again: ）
okay.
but can you come here? and i don't have any condoms or anything （ as much as he's an easily scandalized youth, when it comes right down to the wire he's deeply, ruthlessly utilitarian. his father is a doctor. he grew up around a clinic. he's no stranger to safe sex practices, even if he regretted every minute he ever spent in isshin's presence discussing it. ）
not that we have to do that
just
in case.
i'm sorry. you're my friend too. it's hard for me to accept help.
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If Nami has her way, neither he nor anyone else here would ever have the faintest idea of how profoundly those words resonate with her. Arlong Park is a fresh and painful memory still, as is the harsh lesson about trying to fight alone. ]
I'll see you soon.
[ The lie he told for her sake sits heavily on her mind, weighing on her enough to distract her from how her heart's beating faster than it was before she responded. He is a good person, and allowing herself to let that endear someone to her is as new of an idea as asking for help, a feeling that's left her perplexed when it's crossed her mind since the last time they saw each other but this - having a direction, makes the awkwardness she can't quite put a name to, easier to handle, somehow.
She's too preoccupied with rolling her eyes at herself to pay much attention to the sexy art in the elevator, fingers idly fussing with the hem of her dress right up until she steps off and onto his floor.
Pausing in front of his door, she stops and takes a deep breath before finally knocking. ]
Hey... [ Does she sound stupid? She feels like she sounds stupid. ] It's me. [ Who else would it be?? ]
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she'll find him sitting on the floor furthest from the door, one leg drawn up. the other one is stretched out in front of him, and he's got one arm braced on his propped up knee. but he doesn't — look at her as she comes into the room, instead biting one lip with his head faintly turned to the side, as if he's worried that looking directly at her will just make everything worse all over again.
should he say something? should he say nothing? his fingers curl in against his palm, and then uncurl with an effort. ）
Hey.
（ comes finally. his voice is a rasp, coloured by shame and general discomfort. but he's trying not to just freak out on her. ）
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It's hard to miss how he's avoiding looking in her direction, and while that makes her want to keep her distance, she came here to help him. Doubting herself isn't going to do anything for anybody.
Lips curved in a tentative smile Nami crosses the room, taking a seat beside him on the floor.
She looks ahead, smoothing her skirt down over her thighs, as she tilts her head to the side, considering. ]
What are you worried about? [ She can't tell him to relax, or that there isn't anything to worry about. He's the one with the tattoo that's gone dark enough to work him into this state after all, but, one thing at a time. ]
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（ it's the first, immediate thing he says, and his jaw tightens as he says it, casts his gaze a little further to the side. having her close like this is making it worse in unspeakable ways, and he reflexively tries to twist his hips a little so the fact he's half-hard is a little less obvious in the fold of his pants. ）
You saw it, I'm powerful. It's physical strength, too. So I need — I need to stay controlled. I've hurt people before without meaning to. （ hastily — ） Not like this. （ not sex, not anything like this. ） Just — people I care about.
（ his left hand, being overtaken with a semi-transparent blue stone, streaked with black obsidian is tucked in against his other thigh. he seems to still have a bit of mobility to it, though, evidenced by the faint twitch to his fingers.
that his voice stays more or less even keeled, except for having picked up a very faint tremor, is a testament to his willpower. ）
What's going to be easiest for you? Can we do that?
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She's not the best at being kind, but Ichigo makes Nami want to be kind to him. ]
Easiest for me...
[ Nami repeats the words quietly, watching as he twists himself around in his seat, sure he's trying to hide from her on more than one level. There are probably a lot of simpler routes she could take, and the grimly goal-oriented part of her that's figured out how she's going to play this game for the sake of those she cares for seems to speak up in the back of her head, reminding her of that. Nami is still learning her way around sex, but she knows she could tell him to sit still, slide a hand down his pants, and get him off - probably quite quickly if the tension and awkwardness in the way he's sitting is any clue. It would count as being a good friend, but the fluttering in her chest pulls her forward, rising onto her knees so she can reach out and touch his shoulder, wordlessly trying to get him to look at her. ]
It's not an issue of easy or hard. [ A pause, a frown, a deep, deep sigh. ]
I think I want you to know I would have slept with you anyway, even if it wasn't...like this. [ Did she want him to know that? Yes, it's the truth, but, getting the words out leaves her so shaken there's a moment where Nami's quiet, reassembling herself after her honesty rattles her in new and thorough ways. Before affording herself the luxury of letting other people in, the idea that something could be so scary and so gratifying simultaneously would have made her roll her eyes, but she's not the person those ghosts were talking about anymore - she hopes. They can fumble through this together. ]
If we say we're going slow for my sake, would that help you?
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i have like 300 icons and none for porn bye
the most niche sad country song ever
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ugh i edited and still missed that weird space apols
no worries!!
the vulnerabilities flying around his room could choke a bear
literally...
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